Broken hearts
by sharingstories2
Summary: "You don't get to decide how I feel Riley" "Yes I do" In which Riley leaves Lucas after GIRL MEETS RILEYTOWN to live with her grandparents and comes back. WARNING- This story contains themes such as self harm and depression so read at your own risk
1. Goodbye

The tension filled the room as Riley shivered under his gaze. Now he knew why she had squashed down her feelings and he knew that no matter how much he liked Maya he still like riley.  
"You don't get to decide how I feel Riley, we could've given it a shot, hell I still want to give it one. You aren't the only one who gets to decide" she let a lone tear fall down her face and gulped. She couldn't handle this, she was not in the right state of mind. He reached forward to hug her but she shoved him away.  
"Yes I do get to decide this Lucas, Maya deserves to be happy-"  
"and you don't?" there was a silence that threatened to break and a tension that refused to be lifted.  
"Lucas, she's my best friend and goodness knows she deserves to be happy. I know that I do and I will but you and Maya you _deserve_ each other in a way we never did and I'm sorry that I messed everything up" he sighed and kissed her forehead.  
"You didn't" they heard Farkle shout her name.  
"Just please give each other a chance" he nodded and she turned to leave.  
"Goodbye Lucas" and then she ran towards Farkle.

As it turned out Good bye really meant goodbye because that night Riley left for her grandparents for a month for some time to relax after the incident with the bully. A month turned into two and although she had kept in contact with Zay and had even let him and Farkle visit she had kept her distance from Maya and Lucas, whom had taken to question her family, including Josh and Shawn on what was happening with her and if she was ok. For two months they had refused to tell them anything and now Mr Matthews had brought the four into his classroom. They sat there in a nervous state.  
"I know only two of you know anything about Riley but I thought you should all know, she's coming home this weekend" there was a collective silence before Farkle spoke up  
"Am I still picking her up with you Mr Matthews?" Mr Matthews nodded and Zay smirked whilst Maya frowned.  
"Why are you picking her up Farkle" at this Zay burst out laughing  
"They don't know? Wow man you are good considering it's all you talk about" Mr Matthews smiled  
"Glad to know you appreciate my daughter Mr Minkus"  
"Well I wouldn't be dating her if I didn't appreciate her sir" and then he ran out the room, Zay in pursuit.  
Maya felt like her whole world had come tumbling down and looked up at Corey Matthews.  
"Mr Matthews does she hate me?" Mr Matthews legitimately felt his heart shatter  
"She never did Maya she was fragile and she didn't want you to get the backlash of her hurt Maya, I won't tell you what Riley was feeling but I want you to know you never did anything wrong" Maya smiled and left the class room. He then turned to Lucas.  
"I know you didn't mean to break my daughters heart Friar but she's finally ready to come home don't make my baby run away again"  
"Yes sir" Lucas left after that and Mr Matthews sat at his desk, praying that what had happened would never occur again.


	2. Welcome home

When Riley, her grandparents and aunt and uncle came out of the terminal Riley ran over to Farkle and squealed whilst everyone looked on in amusement.  
"I missed you so much, it's been like forever, good god man do you ever answer your phone!" to shut her up Farkle kissed her on the lips and laughed when she pulled back looking dazed. Morgan laughed at them whilst the boys minus Corey were staring at Farkle like he had some sort of mystical power.  
"You got her to shut up, are you god" Morgan slapped him upside the head.  
"Shut up lil bro just because you left your girlfriend back home" he frowned  
"At least I have another person in my life" Morgan was about to reply when Alan yelled at them both.  
"Jesus it's like you're all kids again, can we just get Riley and Farkle home before Corey kills them" it was at that point that everyone noticed the lovebirds were laughing and giggling whilst Corey glared at them. Morgan smiled and pushed Corey forward.  
"Come on big bro, let's get you all home."

At home Topanga and Shawn had everything set up whilst Zay, Charlie and Smackle entertained Auggie but when Auggie saw his big sister enter the room he dropped his game and ran into Riley.  
"Riley!" she laughed and hugged him.  
"Hey aug, missed me?" he nodded feverishly and grinned like a Cheshire cat.  
"I thought you weren't gonna come back and I would have to wait till mummy and daddy could take me to you" she smiled  
"Well, a little birdy told me your Christmas wish was to have your big sister home for Christmas and really who could say no to you and the man in the big red suit now, can you?" Everyone smiled warmly at the interaction between the siblings who had somehow still remained close. Auggie was eventually ran upstairs to get Riley her card and Riley turned to everyone else. Smackle hugged her first.  
"I'm glad you're back, Farkle was going stir crazy" she blushed and as the others hugged her she felt her heart lighten but when she turned to hug her Uncle Shawn she felt apprehensive. He grinned at her and pulled her into one of the warmest hugs ever.  
"We'll talk later Riley" she nodded and wiped away her happy tears. The night roared as everyone welcomed her home. After everyone but Farkle and Zay had left the trio fell onto the couch.  
"I'm glad you're back Smiley" she laughed at Zay's nickname for her.  
"Me too Zay, thanks for you know…" she trailed off and everyone looked towards Zay to make her feel better.  
"Lying to Lucas? You needed my help Riles and if lying to Lucas or bending the truth got you better I would do it in a heartbeat. I know he's my best friend but you deserved it more lately and I would never regret helping you" there was silence that was only broken by Zay's phone beeping, He looked at the message  
"My mum's here, I gotta go but Riley? I'm awfully glad you're home" Zay left. Riley looked towards her boyfriend adoringly.  
"You know I'm glad I can spend all day with you now" he chuckled and kissed her nose  
"I might miss Skyping but being able to kiss you whenever is a bonus" he leant down and kissed her slowly before being interrupted by Auggie.  
"Oy I'm her brother!" they pulled apart and laughed as Auggie tried to grab Riley's attention and had managed to situate himself between the couple. He pulled out a photo album and flicked through a few pictures, explaining that in those two months Riley had disappeared that he had taken photos of everything and anything that seemed interesting. The adults looked at them in happiness that Riley was finally home and she was a lot better. Now she needed to meet Maya and Lucas and everything would be just fine.


	3. Midnight talks

That night Riley awoke from a terrible nightmare, she had dreamt of when she had said goodbye to Maya, how they had argued over her and Lucas and how it was destroying their friendship whilst Riley had yelled at her to get with Lucas because they deserved each other. Maya then cried because Riley was leaving and how their friendship had pretty much deteriorated. She glanced at Farkle who had fallen asleep in her bay window and tiptoed out the room. She felt her way into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water but jumped when she heard the light switch on.  
"What you doing up so late?" Shawn asked, his eyes blurry.  
"Just getting a drink" he looked at her and gave her a sympathetic smile.  
"Nightmare?" she blanched  
"How do you and Farkle do that?" she asked, he laughed  
"The kids in love with you and 'just getting a drink is an old excuse" she smiled and sat down next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder.  
"What was the nightmare about?" she paused for a second and momentarily looked towards her arm.  
"Maya. I left her and didn't tell her why and in two days I'm just gonna show up and she'll wannna know why. Lucas is gonna hate me because last he knew I still loved him and now I love Farkle and it's all so messed up how I got them to keep it a secret and… and…and" she began to hyperventilate and rake her nails up and down her sleeve. Shawn grabbed her hands and looked her in the eyes. He sighed. She looked sheepish  
"Sorry I thought I kicked the habit" he wiped away a tear and pushed her hair behind her ear.  
"You have Riley, we know you haven't done it in a month, the fact that you still went to the clinic even when they told you didn't need to is proof that you want to get better, as for Lucas and Maya forget them" she looked down.  
"You think of her like a daughter uncle Shawn and I made you keep her at an arm's length" Shawn didn't reply at first and Riley threw herself into him.  
"I think of her like a daughter, yes but Riley for once you were not being a hero and you needed my attention because I _understood_ and I still do, recovery is a slippery slope and I know you and Maya will patch things up." She grinned at him.

Farkle stumbled downstairs, his hair sticking up at odd angles and his eyes were glazed over.  
"Riley?"  
"Over here Farkle" she replied. Shawn hugged her back  
"You'll get better Riles, this one will help you with that" she smiled at Farkle who looked half sleepy half confused.  
"It's rude to talk about a guy when he's all sleepy you know" they laughed at him. Riley stood up and grabbed his hand.  
"Come on Farkle bed time and thanks for what you told me Uncle Shawn"  
"Anytime kid" Riley dragged a sleepy Farkle upstairs to go to bed and Shawn laughed at them. Today was the day Riley's life began to rebuild.


	4. School

Days later found Riley sat at the dinner table as still as a statue everyone had tried to get her to talk but she still remained stoic, eventually Farkle showed up with Zay and when he saw her he knelt down as everyone watched in apprehension.  
"Riley?" they sat there in silence and Farkle asked again, her eyes looked into his and suddenly she started to ramble.  
"What if they hate me and everyone bugs me, what if I get the urge to do it again, I know you have all checked my backpack so I don't really have anything but what if I do? My progress would've been for nothing and I can't let you all down. What if Lucas asks why I'm with you, he won't believe that I love you or what if Maya yells at me, I'm at an alright place again and I dunno if I can cope if she hates me!" everyone frowned except Farkle who merely sat down.  
"Riles, remember when you were meant to come home?" she nodded and everyone wondered where Farkle was going with this.  
"I'd come around and no one could find you but I did, you were holed up in the attic with it in your hands but did you do anything with it?"  
"No" he smiled encouragingly.  
"What did you say to me when I accused you?" he asked. She stared into his eyes.  
"I told you that I wanted to because of all the pressure and that I wanted to come home but I didn't think I was ready and that I needed more time to sort out my issues because coming back may only accelerate what I was feeling" The adults in the room widened their eyes, they always wondered why she had decided to check into the clinic again that day and why she had proposed coming home. Farkle grasped her hands.  
"If you do decide that's the road you are going to take then I'll find you just like I always do" Morgan and Topanga 'awed' at the pair and Zay said Farkle was seriously whipped. Riley took a deep breath.  
"Ok I think I'm ready now" Farkle stood up and pulled Riley up, hand in hand they walked out the door.

At school Farkle walked Riley to her locker as Zay stood guard, trying to stop people staring at Riley like she was a piece of meat. As far as the school knew she'd only left to help a sick relative but a select few really questioned the alibi. Riley grabbed her books and began walking to her first subject. She'd managed to avoid Maya and Lucas for the most part but she knew that they'd be in her last subject, history. She had entered the class a little early and sat at her desk. Her dad turned to her.

"Hey honey, how has your first day been" she shrugged

"Its been ok, a little strange, I feel like an outsider" Corey sighed.

"That'll pass honey,

"I hope so" Mr Matthews gave her a hug as the bell rung. People began to file in and Riley kept her head down but smiled at Farkle and Zay when they walked by. Mr Matthews clapped his hands as he addressed the class.

"Alright Belgium during 1831"


	5. Topanagas

The class blurred as Mr Matthews finally taught the class the subject that Farkle had been dying to learn about. Maya had taken to staring Riley out and Lucas had glared at Farkle who was not paying any attention whilst Zay was subtly texting Riley. When the class ended Maya, Farkle, Lucas, Riley and Zay had stayed back. May walked towards Riley and Farkle hovered, making sure Riley wasn't going to get hurt. Maya stared at her before pulling her into a hug.  
"I'm glad you're home sweetie, I missed you"  
"Me to peaches" Riley wiped away a tear that had fallen down Maya's cheek and kissed her forehead.  
"I'm sorry I left you" she didn't reply and turned to leave but Riley grabbed her arm.  
"Hey, we're erm…. We're going to Topanga's in about an hour… would you…? Would you like to join us? "Maya nodded.  
"I'd love to" Maya kissed Riley on the forehead and left the classroom. Lucas looked at Riley with hopeful eyes.  
"It was nice seeing you again Lucas" he was about to reply but Riley shot Farkle a look.  
"Come on Riley, my dad is dropping us off" he grabbed Riley's hand and they walked out of the classroom but could still hear Lucas question Zay on why Riley had run off.

At Topanga's Riley sat nervously in a booth as Farkle and Smackle sat opposite, trying to look uninterested. When Maya entered they hid behind the menus. May sat down across from Riley and ordered a hot chocolate.  
"Hey" Maya said  
"Heya" Riley replied.  
"So" they both said at the same time. Maya let Riley go first.  
"So how have you been?" Maya scoffed.  
"Well I missed you, my mum seems to be getting closer with Shawn which is good, and I may actually have a dad. Farkle and Zay kind of distanced themselves as did everyone else when concerning you oh and I finally passed an assessment in History, weird right" Riley sighed. She knew Maya was hurt but she'd begged people not to distance themselves from her, she'd lost Riley she didn't need to lose everyone else.  
"I know about Shawn and your mum they make each other happy, I'm glad they make each other happy and that you may finally have a family. I'm sorry about people distancing themselves from you, I asked them not to and I know about the pass dad told me he was proud, immensely so." Nobody spoke for several seconds, choosing to sip their drinks. Maya's impatience finally got the better of her.  
"Why did you leave me?" the phrase sounded sad to everyone but Riley knew what really bugged her, her father had left her and she was forever afraid that Riley would leave her alone to. Riley placed her gloved hand over Maya.  
"I was hurt Maya and I couldn't let you get hurt by what I was or were doing. I could get the help I needed with my grandma and grandad, maybe I shouldn't of blocked you out but at the time I truly thought I was helping everyone" Maya was crying as she listened to her best friend.  
"But what about Farkle or Zay, I can understand Farkle but you barely know Zay!" Riley hung her head. Maya was right in a way but she didn't know everything and Riley couldn't tell her.  
"Farkle understood and as you can see we kinda got together, Zay I know we aren't close but he saved me, legitimately I am being serious" Maya paled at the implication.  
"From what?"  
"I can't tell you yet peaches but one day…. One day." Maya jumped up and ran her hands through her hair.  
"When Riles?"  
"When I'm ready Maya, please just wait till I am ready" Maya sat back down.  
"I'll wait Riles but I don't think Lucas will" at this Farkle and Smackle sat next to the girls.  
"Oh the cowboy will wait, Farkle won't let him hurt his Riley" Riley placed her head on Farkle's shoulder and laughed as Farkle began telling everyone that he'd have to get through him.  
"I may be small but I'm cra-hazy"  
"That you are Farkle, that you are." Farkle pretended to be offended  
"Is that sarcasm I detect in your voice Miss Matthews?"  
"Oh no Mr Minkus, there is never sarcasm where you are concerned, we all know your craziness is real and it could chase away the big bad cowboy!" Maya laughed at the pair, it was clear they loved each other, Farkle's eyes shone with love and Riley's smile was bigger than ever. As they continued the banter throughout the night Maya began to feel at peace with the fact that maybe Riley just needed a little time and if she did she would sure as hell get it.


	6. Gym consesilor

From that moment on Maya and Riley had fallen into a regular rhythm, Maya and Farkle would take riley to school and any class riley had without the boys Maya had taken to looking after Riley, she didn't care that she didn't know anything. Riley had Farkle and Zay, they always stepped in when she couldn't. The only thing that slightly bothered her was the fact that Riley never partook in gym, normally it wouldn't but she realised Farkle always disappeared halfway through and Zay always looked zonked out. When she brought the three up on it they looked around nervously and avoided the subject, heck even Charlie freakin Gardner seemed to know more that Maya did! She would catch him and Zay trying to get Farkle out of class discreetly and would hide in the corner and whisper. After a while Maya tried to follow Farkle but would always get caught. So she decided to just talk to Riley about it.

That's how she found herself at Riley's bay window with a nervous Riley.  
"I know I said I'd wait and I've tried" she began but stopped when she saw a tear roll down Riley's face. She didn't want to make her best friend cry.  
"I appreciate it Maya but-"Maya began to fall down to the floor.  
"Riley, you haven't given me much of anything and I respect that you _can't_ tell me but please just tell my why you disappear in Gym, it's been bugging me" Riley paled but couldn't find it in herself to lie so decided to try and trick her.  
"I was seeing Charlie's mum" Maya's face reddened with confusion.  
"Why would you want to see Gardner's mum, she doesn't even teach at school she'd only the counsellor why would-"she stopped rambling as a look of realisation flickered across her face. Riley nodded in hope that she wouldn't say it, but she did.  
"You're in counselling" it was meant to be a question but it was said as a statement. A tension settled on the room and Maya was about to ask if Riley was ok when Riley's ringtone vibrated throughout the room. She answered it.  
"Hey Farkle, everything is fine I swear I'm just sat in my room with Maya. She just came around for a talk and no she isn't harassing me" Maya laughed as Riley tried to be offended for her.  
"Nope, nope, nope if you come here I swear I'll kill you Farkle and I know that you could totally take her on but you need a night out with your friends even if you don't want to." Riley's aura shifted and she grinned as she replied 'I love you to' to Farkle. Maya felt her heart soar. She knew that Riley was obviously not ok but she was glad she had Farkle.

After they talked for a while Auggie ran into the room, laughing but he stopped abruptly when he saw Maya. Riley realised that to Auggie Maya had upset her and pulled him onto her lap.  
"It's alright Aug, we're best friends again!" Auggie smiled and turned to Riley.  
"Mummy says tea is ready" and then he ran out of the room. May stared after him and looked towards riley who chuckled.  
"Come on Maya" she said as they both walked out of the bedroom.


	7. Lucas and bathroom talks

Dinner was an awkward affair as Mr and Mrs Matthews didn't really know what to say, Auggie seemed oblivious as he played with his pasta and Maya prodded the food with her fork, Riley was only one talking.  
"So I got an A in my Science project!" she exclaimed and Maya scoffed.  
"Only because you were working with the only other genius with in school" Corey hung his head and Topanga laughed as Riley began telling them how she was actually smarter than her boyfriend and how they actually had a competition on how she was smarter. What she didn't tell them was how she knew Farkle let her win and how he made her cake to prove how proud he was. She didn't tell them that they had decided to dance in the snow, she didn't really want to either. When she had finished the family settled down and Maya smiled. For the first time in two months she felt at home.

The next day Riley was alone in School. Farkle had taken ill due to spending all night outside as Zay tried to teach him how to catch a ball. Zay was late and Maya wasn't in her class. Lucas was. She was painfully aware that he kept trying to catch her attention, he was aware she was ignoring him. When the bell rang she grabbed her stuff and ran out of class, straight into Missy Bradford. The girl laughed as riley desperately tried to grab her books.  
"Watch were you're going weirdo"

 **You're weird and you exist**

Riley could feel panic rise in her chest as Missy began to yell at her but a voice made the panic triple.  
"Shut up Missy"

"Whatever friar" and she walked away. Lucas pulled her up and grabbed her books.  
"You ok?" she nodded and kept looking down.  
"Riley?"  
"Yeah?"  
"You ok you look kinda pale" she nodded. Looking up their eyes clicked and she blushed. Gasping she shouted a quick thank you before running off.

She sat on top of the toilet and breathed heavily, words replayed through her head.

 **Worthless**

 **Ugly**

 **Freak**

 **Unlovable.** That last one hurt the most, she knew it was untrue but it still felt true to her. She thought back to a week after Texas, when she and Lucas were unofficial. Maya had turned up crying, of course she had let her in and Maya had blabbed. A week after Riley and Lucas had broken up Lucas had kissed Maya, that's why she felt like she loved him. She knew neither of them felt good about it but at least Maya had told her. That's why she didn't want to see Lucas, he had cheated and nobody except Maya, Riley and Lucas knew.

Riley began to hyperventilate and grabbed a squishy toy out of her bag and began squeezing it. She repeated her mantra over in her head.

 _You are loved, you are worth it and they are just sad so they take it out on you._

When she eventually calmed down so her breathing slowed she realised she'd missed second period and leant against the wall. The door opened,  
"Riley?" despite how tense she felt she laughed.  
"Really Zay, a girls bathroom, are you that desperate?" Zay laughed  
"Hurting my ego is a bad move sugar, I mean you can hurt Missy's but not the messenger!" she tensed at Missy's name and looked down.  
"Am I in trouble?" he raised an eyebrow and sat down on the floor.  
"With school, no they know about your situation Farkle and your dad oh yes. You can't run away from your problems Riley not even you can be invisible" she looked Zay in the eyes.  
"I didn't mean to run away I just ended up here and didn't realise I'd been here so long…. I just it was him and I freaked and-"  
"What did he do?" Riley heaved in a deep breath. She didn't think Zay would believe her but it was worth a shot.  
"He cheated on me…. With Maya a week before Texas. She told me he lied through his teeth and I still love him, don't get me wrong I love Farkle way more than Lucas but he still urg" she waited for his reply but she wasn't aware for the anger that shone in his eyes. He clenched his fists and Riley flinched but Zay just breathed in and out.  
"I'm going to kill him!"  
"No you are not!" he shot her a glare. She reciprocated and he eventually let his anger ebb away.  
"He cheated on you, he cheated on my smiley Riley as Farkle once said this I cannot allow!" Riley laughed.  
"Come on Farkle Junior, I need to get my work"

The rest of the day passed pretty mildly for Riley and she ended up at Farkle's house with a bowl of chicken soup. Mr Minkus opened the door.  
"Hey Mr Minkus" the elder smiled and invited her in.  
"Hey Riley, I'm glad you have come back, Farkle missed you." Riley grinned from ear to ear.  
"I missed him to sir, he's amazing"  
"That he is my dear, oh here we are" he said as he opened the door to Farkle's room. Farkle's room was ginormous, a king sized bed lay near the window and the wall was scattered with science projects and history portfolios. A gaming system was at the opposite end, unused and the other wall was covered with pictures of Farkle and his friends. In the middle of the chaos stood Farkle whom was coughing violently. He welcomed her in and accepted the soup, glad that Riley had shown up.  
"Hey Riles"  
"Hey Farkle" she sat down and fed him the soup.  
"I was worried when you got ill you know, I had twenty bucks on you being a robot, guess I owe money to Smackle now" Farkle glared at her  
"I'll have you know Riley Matthews that I, am a real boy" she patted his head and laughed.  
"Sure you are Pinocchio." When she finished the soup she climbed into bed with him, making sure he was coated in blankets.  
"So do I need to exterminate Lucas and missy?" he asked after a while but Riley didn't answer, she had fallen asleep. He kissed her forehead and joined her in her dreamy sleep.


	8. Friendly Advice

When Riley woke up she began to freak out, it was dark and she wasn't at home, nor was Farkle with her. She stumbled over and fell to the floor, getting up she walked out the room. Riley didn't usually come to Farkle's, at the time they became a couple she was at her father's family home and when they were 'just friends' everyone went to her house. Now she was beginning to regret that as she struggled to find her way around. After a while she gave up and rang Farkle. He picked up  
"What's up sleeping beauty?" she scowled  
"I'm lost, I stumbled out of your room and have no idea where I am" there was a moments silence and Riley could hear him fidgeting.  
"Ok take the next left and you should see a staircase, follow it all the way down and it should take you to the living room, everyone is there" she muttered a quick okay before doing what he said.

The living room was lavish that was for sure, yet it was also pretty homely and that's why Riley like this room out of all the others, minus Farkle's. When she got there a woman jumped up.  
"Oh Riley, my dear sweet niece has our little flower been corrupted?" Farkle blushed deep red and Riley began spluttering whilst Morgan wailed with laughter at their embarrassment. Riley stood still and Mr Minkus looked amused.  
"No… no Miss Matthews, I would never-" Farkle began.  
"I don't know about never kid but I trust you, I know you wouldn't corrupt my innocent little niece just yet!" Farkle breathed a sigh of relief but Riley's eyes widened in fear.  
"My dad, doesn't he doesn't-"  
"Oh no Riley I told him it was all innocent, to be honest at risk of sounding unmanly I thought you both looked kind of well… cute" both the teens blushed deep red. Morgan and Stuart shared eye contact and laughed.  
"Awe look they're all embarrassed!"  
"Am not"  
"Yes you Riles" Riley didn't argue back because Farkle erupted in a bout of coughing and it was only then she remembered he was ill. She rushed over and made him sit down.  
"You know you should be resting" she reprimanded. Farkle smiled meekly,  
"Probably" she just sighed. He wouldn't admit defeat until it smacked him over the head with a solid gold pan. Morgan's phone blinked and she read her text.  
"Come on Riley, your dad is having a hissy fit" Riley looked towards Farkle and kissed him, he tried to protest at fear of getting her ill but she just smirked, kissed him again and followed her aunt to the car.

"So you talked to cheating scoundrel yet?" Riley shrugged, she'd almost forgotten she'd told Morgan about Maya and Lucas.  
"No and I don't really plan on it" she replied. Morgan's eyes narrowed.  
"Riley I love you but I've seen you at your worst and I refuse to let yourself get that bad, so talk to him or you'll regret it and we all know what you do when you let everything fester" Riley saw her aunt's eyes flicker to her arms and she unconsciously pulled her sleeves down.  
"I haven't done that in two months aunt Morgan"  
"I'm proud of you for that Riley but you know that he's part of the reason minus this bully who's name you refuse to say" Riley didn't say anything after that. Her aunt had a point, she'd sunken down before and if she didn't sort out her priorities she may sink that low again, she couldn't let herself do that she owed herself that much.


	9. Confrontation and revalation

The next day riley decided to take her aunts advice and slipped a note into Lucas's locker. It was cliché she knew but she couldn't ask him face to face. So due to that fact she was sat in bleachers at school, hoping he'd received her note. After a half hour he finally showed up and she felt the bench dip when he sat down.  
"I didn't think you'd come" she said.

He shuffled slightly and replied "Me neither" she didn't say anything for a moment, letting the uncomftable silence settle like a plague.  
"I ran away, in a manner of speaking" she stopped and weighed what she would say next.  
"As you probably know I left to go to my grandparents' house, there was a reason for that but I can't tell you yet, only a select few know. The reason I left you was because I knew, I knew that you had cheated on me with her, she told me and I didn't love you after I left, I fell for Farkle as you can probably guess we happened. So I was hurt and broke and I didn't want anyone to catch the backlash."

Lucas slumped down slightly, he understood that she might not want to say everything but he felt he deserved to know, she's the one that left.  
"Why does my best friend get to know?"  
"I can't tell you yet Lucas" he stood up, a slight bit of Texas Lucas running through his veins.

"You can't tell me Riley or you won't. Everyone I love has been lying to be about you and you won't tell me, you left and everything fell apart how could you? Maya thought she'd been left again! And I thought I'd lost you again!" she shrunk back as Lucas continued to yell at her. Her thoughts all turned negative again and she didn't even hear Zay slowly creep up and yell at Lucas to calm down. She didn't hear her own footsteps as she turned away and ran, she didn't see Maya who had just come out of detention. She could only feel her heart pounding and the blood rushing to her ears. As she got to the toilet she threw up and groaned. When her vision cleared she could see Maya hovering nervously.  
"Riley?" When she didn't answer Maya rang Farkle. Since he wasn't at school he could only get there as quickly as possible. Maya handed Riley a bottle of water and made her rinse her mouth out but grabbed her arms and pulled her sleeve down. Maya's heart stopped, down Riley's arm lay a few almost healed scars. Maya didn't need to say it aloud, Riley had been broken and due to the fact that they were healing it was obvious she was getting better.  
"Now you know my secret" Riley thought out loud.  
"I left because I was too messed up in the head to stay" Maya began to cry as Riley retold her story. She had begun after the bullying had started and had stopped two weeks after she left. Zay had found her attempting to do it and made her talk to someone, so she talked to her uncle Josh who had sat down with her and her parents. At first she began talking to Shawn because he had a dangerous game with alcohol and knew how to cope but when that wasn't enough Riley found a clinic near her dad's old home and had moved down there to get better. She had just finished telling her story when Zay ran in, breathless.  
"Riley?" she looked up, her bambi eyes shining with tears.  
"It's okay, she knows Zay" Zay didn't do anything. He couldn't hold back his own tears and the three of them sat in the bathroom stall till Farkle showed up and brought Riley into a hug.  
"You ok Riley?" she nodded.  
"Ok let's go home" and together the four of them stumbled out of school and walked home.


	10. Uncle Josh and panic attacks

Riley didn't remember coming home, she didn't remember how Lucas kept texting her to apologise. She didn't know that Maya ad cried the way home, apologising profusely for not realising how bad her life had become. She never noticed that her Uncle Eric had cancelled his senator business to make sure his nitch was okay. She didn't realise that Auggie never really knew what had happened so when he realised why she had gone away he locked himself in his room. Riley didn't see how her mum had to calm the boys down as they threatened to disembody Lucas. She didn't know that Josh had told everyone the one detail that Riley had never told anyone. Riley had tried to kill herself whilst she was away.

Riley wasn't aware of any of this because she had fallen asleep into sweet sweet oblivion.

When she did wake up however her uncle Josh was sat in her bay window. She pushed herself into sitting position and smiled at him  
"Hey Uncle Josh" she said, her voice hoarse. When he didn't reply she decided to try to get up, he jumped into action and pushed her back down.  
"You move and I shout for Topanga" he threatened. She lay back down for fear of feeling her mum's wrath.  
"It's not like I was when I was with grandma and grandad you know, I'm okay now!" Josh narrowed his eyes at her.  
"You are not Riley, if you were the fact that Lucas shouted at you wouldn't have turned you into a withering mess for god's sake I love you but you need to stop _running away_ "

Riley felt her anger flair, why did everyone keep telling her that? She wasn't trying to run away, it just so happened that when she got upset she did.  
"Uncle Josh, I know that you think I'm still broken but-"

"Oh no I think you are scared Riley and when you're scared you run because we always told you to run away from danger" she looked at him shocked for a second.  
"My friends are not dangerous, they just they can't understand and I don't know how to make them understand!" She breathed in heavily as people began to listen outside. Josh went to hug her but she pushed him away.  
"How can I make them understand, they don't know what it's like to feel like you are trapped and the only way you can break free is to make sure you _feel_ something. That you had spent so long faking how happy you were that the colour red proves that you are not a robot. They don't know what it's like to feel humiliated to point where saying your bullies name admitting you have a problem becomes a point of all your troubles" she began to cough. She thought she was fixed but coming home had proved to be harder than she thought.  
"You don't get it uncle Josh, I know what I did was stupid and I know people care but in the deep corners of my mind the thing the negative thoughts in my head remind me that I am not worthy to be loved because I mess everyone and everything up. I still don't understand how Farkle loves me, what did he do to love someone who is so messed up in the head that she doesn't think she belongs here" Riley began to hyperventilate and Josh tried to calm her down but to no avail.

When the others rushed in Mrs Matthews rang the ambulance and everyone but Auggie stood back stood back trying to stop Riley being claustrophobic. Auggie ran forward and grabbed Riley's hand, Corey tried to get him to let go but Farkle had joined Auggie on the bed and the effect was immediate, Riley had calmed down and lay backwards. Riley kissed his sister on the forehead.  
"Go to sleep big sister" he whispered and Farkle did the same as Auggie.

"It's ok Riles everything will be ok"


	11. Uncle Eric

When Riley woke up it was a different uncle she woke up to. She didn't say anything this time and just let Eric stare at her. She knew she really had no right to start an argument so she didn't. When Eric stared at his nitch he felt hopeless. Out of everyone he was the only one that thought Riley wasn't getting better. He had seen her when she was sat down crying as she tried to will the pain away.

No one else thought he understood the gravity of the situation. He did. Riley's eyes watered slightly.  
"Why did I have to run away?" she asked timidly. Eric didn't answer as he weighed the gravity of what she had said. He looked down, willing his own tears away.  
"You ran because you couldn't stay. I don't know why you're so scared of Lucas but I do know it wasn't his fault for the way you reacted because you had anticipated his reaction I just don't think you understood why." She nodded slowly and gulped. Pulling up her sleeve she ran a hand down her scars.  
"I thought when I got home I would _want_ to stop for everyone, Farkle and Auggie god even my parents but I think I realised this addiction is one that won't just go" Eric climbed into bed with her and pulled Riley into a warm hug.  
""This is a hug Riley, it's what you give to people who you care about and I know that in your mind you believe you are not _worthy_ of being loved" she began to cry again and hugged her uncle tighter.  
"Uncle Eric I think I need to check back into the clinic" she said, to everyone else it would seem like the fact was obvious but to Eric, he understood that to his nitch it was another step towards recovery.

"I think I came home too early, I know my decision will hurt all my friends, especially Farkle but I need to do it. After Christmas though, I won't let Christmas be filled with goodbyes and I need to tell Lucas, he deserves the truth. I may not be superman but I won't be weak. This is the right decision, I know it!" she said, as if trying to tell herself that what she was doing was the right thing. Eric smiled and kissed the top of her head.  
"I'm proud of you Riley and I know everyone else will be too" she smiled at him.  
"Thanks Uncle Eric but I need to recover before I can believe that."


	12. Auggie

When Riley told everyone that she needed to leave again there was a few different reactions. Her mother and father brought her into a hug and said that they would stand by her no matter what, her uncles patted her on the back and told her that if it was what she needed then she should do it. Maya had cried into her arms, Zay didn't say anything, he just kissed the top of her head and Farkle gave her a kiss, promising he would be there when she got back. All in all everyone had good reactions, even her grandparents who had been coming over for Christmas The only one who didn't was Auggie, he had yelled at her and ran to his room. Topanga went after him but Riley stopped her

"I got this" she said.

When she got to Auggie's rom she heard him wailing into his pillow, so she sat next to him and wrapped her arms around his tiny frame, he tried to wriggle away but she just pulled him closer. He relaxes eventually and fell into her.  
"Why are you leaving me again?" his asked, his voice strained from crying. Riley felt bile rise in the back of her throat. Her little brother was breaking because he wanted her to stay and she couldn't.  
"I'm sick Auggie"  
"Well mummy had calpol, will you stay if I give you some" Riley laughed at how innocent he was.  
"My illness can't be fixed with medicine Auggie" she replied. He looked at her funnily and pointed to his tummy.  
"But calpol helps my tummy when I feel sick and it solves my achy head" Riley kissed him on the forehead and for once he didn't pull away.  
"My illness is inside my head Auggie"  
"That doesn't make any sense Riley" he said, confused. She sighed, unsure of how to tell him she was messed up.  
"Auggie you know when you're sad?" he nodded  
"Well my illness is like that but worse because it's all the time, and it's not just sadness, sometimes it's being lonely or constantly scared and confused and I need people who understand my illness to help me" suddenly he wrapped his arms around Riley's middle.  
"There, now you won't be sad you're cured I just need to hug you all the time and make sure I'm always by your side so you're never lonely" Riley smiled sadly.  
"I wish it was that simple but not even you're hugs can help."

His face fell and became shocked as he pulled away.  
"Surely it can't be that bad, mummy said my hugs can solve anything"

"I'm afraid it is that bad Aug"  
"Ok, I guess I understand now" she smiled and nodded, tucking him into bed. As she turned to leave he grabbed her wrist.  
"Riley since you're leaving again can you stay with me tonight?" his eyes shone with so much innocence that she couldn't say no and climbed into bed with him. Together the siblings fell asleep.


	13. Lucas

**A/N this is really intense so read at your own risk**

The next thing Riley had to do before she left was speak to Lucas. Yet she was still scared of if he would reject her so she took Zay who knocked on his door, when he saw her his face fell and he pulled her into a hug. She didn't pull away.  
"I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you again" he cried. She hugged him back  
"It's alright Lucas it wasn't your fault for the way I had reacted, I was upset and panicked which is why I'm here, I need to tell you everything."

He invited her and Zay into the living room which was actually quite appealing. He had leather couches, a flat screen TV and an awards shelf full of awards. Riley sat down as Lucas offered her a drink, to which she declined. Zay had disappeared into Lucas's room to give them privacy. When Lucas sat down he looked at her expectantly, Riley took a gulp of air and began her story.  
"I want you to know it wasn't your fault. I was really or maybe I still am really messed up. At first I thought that it was just my bully." Lucas tensed at the reminder of the vile human Riley still protected.  
"Yet I realised she may have only been the thing that kick-started the reaction. I thought, you know it might be hormones, making me feel sad confused and dare I say it depressed but it wasn't. Nothing seemed to make sense I would go from wanting to end everything to wanting to dance around and feeling like smiley riley again" she avoided his gaze as he placed his hand over hers.  
"I let it fester for a while, you know thinking that maybe I could feel like me again and this was just a phase or something. It wasn't, I dunno when the suicidal tendencies started. I guess the red made me feel like I wasn't a robot" she pulled up her sleeves and Lucas gasped, shocked but Riley didn't give him chance to speak.  
"I began taking things to school, you know making it through the day, getting over the fact that maybe you and Maya loved each other and I know now that you did love me once upon a time but the way we feel right now is too confusing to be love. Then it was the fact that I couldn't concentrate everything seemed to be focused on the sharp scars I bared, how to get out of gym and never show my arms. It became a game of deception, fooling everything and everyone into believing I was okay and most people did. Except Farkle and Zay, one day I had snook out of class and gone to the toilets. I needed to prove I could feel something and when I did I felt well _relived_ but he had seen me. I didn't know until after school, he had locked me into the changing rooms, I began to freak out but he grabbed my bag and turned out my pockets. The little things that had kept me believing I was sane had been found." She breathed deeply, this was hard but she refused eye contact with him, unfortunately she couldn't see the despair he felt.  
"He told me I had to tell an adult otherwise he would tell my dad. Looking back at it I realised he gave me a choice to avoid hurting my parents and let me decide which adult I could tell. So I told him to ring uncle josh, I knew he was at college and we both sat in the changing room till he came. At first he was shocked but he hugged me and began to shake, Zay left after that and said the he had told dad I would be late home because we were working on a project. So I told josh and he took me back to his place, made me tell him pretty much everything and rang dad, saying I was spending the night at his because of something we were doing at his college. My dad is really bad at figuring out lies."

They both laughed at that.  
"The next day he took me home and made sure Auggie wasn't there and we told mum and dad everything. At first it was fine, you know because they could help me _control_ it but it got too much and I tried to end everything. Josh found me and made me check myself into a clinic, I told my parents a different environment may help and the let me go to his family home and get sorted. I had pushed you and Maya away because I truly thought that you would get hurt otherwise. I'm sorry"

She whispered the last bit. Lucas pulled her into a hug.  
"You are going back aren't you?" he asked but he needn't to her silence was enough. They sat still until Lucas held out his hands.  
"I know kissing Maya was stupid but friends?" he asked she shook his hand.  
"Friends."


	14. Christmas

As Christmas rolled around Riley began to feel happy. Christmas was her favourite time of year, she got to show how much she loved everyone and vice versa. Yet that didn't stop her tearing her hair out over what to get everyone, especially Farkle. So she had dragged Maya out to find her boyfriend the perfect present. Maya had smirked and gone along for the ride but was even more amused when Riley began rambling how she had to get him the perfect gift because he had stood by her and she needed to show her gratitude.  
"What about a promise ring" Riley said. Maya froze for a second.  
"Riley I get you love him but you've only been together for like a month, isn't it too soon" Riley laughed.  
"I don't know I think it would be perfect." Before Maya could understand what was happening Riley had purchased a necklace with a ring on it. Engraved on the ring was the saying

'You're my Pluto' Maya felt herself awe but wanted to kill riley when she skipped off saying.

"I'm still gonna get him the 'geeks guide to pretty much everything' though"

On Christmas day everyone was joyful, none more than riley and Shawn. Shawn was happy because 'the odd little plant' was happy and Riley was happy because it was Christmas.

When the unwrapping of presents came Riley waited anxiously for everyone to open theirs. They all smiled broadly and hugged her, grateful all of her presents were personalized. She turned to Farkle who opened the necklace box and beamed. He looked to her, grinning like a mad man.  
"Thanks Riley" he said putting the necklace on and giving her, her present. She opened it and gasped. Inside was a heart shaped pendant, when she opened the pendant she found a picture of her and Farkle on one side and all her friends on the other. On the back were the words 'you me and mars, let's do this thing' she laughed and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.  
"I'd go to mars anytime with you" the ladies awed and minus Zay who laughed at their display of affection the boys groaned. How had the fifteen year old boy who had only been dating Riley for a month outdone everyone's gifts? Corey glared at his daughter's boyfriend for being so publicly mushy with Riley and Topanga smiled, her daughter may wonder but so long as she had Farkle she knew she would always come back.

The rest of the day was spent in a state of melancholy, everyone was enjoying each others company and when the day ended Riley had fallen asleep in Farkle's lap and Maya had fallen asleep opposite them. Cory stared at his daughter then to Shawn.  
"Shawn?"  
"Hmmm?"  
"Promise me my daughter will be fine one day" Shawn didn't reply for a while.  
"I don't think I can buddy but I can promise you she will be happy again"  
"I'll take what I can get." Cory kissed his daughters head and smiled. He knew that deep down she would always be his Riley, even if she was losing her way and she always would be.


	15. Leaving

As it was Riley had to leave the next day, she was flying home with her grandparents and Aunt Morgan. Everyone had turned up to say bye, even Lucas. She turned to her parents first,  
"Thank you for being so comforting and always understanding" she said and gave them a hug, She then turned to Maya and Zay  
"Thank you so much for sticking by me, Zay thank you for making me seek help, Maya thank you for forgiving me when you shouldn't have" she kissed Zay and Maya on the forehead and hugged them tightly.  
"Lucas" she began and pulled him into a hug "Give each other a chance" she whispered. He didn't need to say of whom she meant. The hints throughout her stay had been obvious. Riley wiped away a tear as she hugged her uncles and turned to Auggie.  
"I'll be back" she told him. Auggie wiped his hands down his brown pants before hugging her.  
"I know" she pulled back and asked what his plan was. Her brother smiled brightly  
"Make sure that everyone is happy and to spread the love" she ruffled his hair and kissed his cheek "Good boy."

Farkle stared at her, his eyes already damp. He didn't want her to go  
"It's different this time you know" she nodded

"The feeling is still the same, I'll be here when you get back" she wiped away her tears with her dress sleeve.  
"I'm expecting it" she pulled him into a hug, everyone turned away, feeling like they were intruding a private moment.  
"Remember just because you're all 'Donny barns' now doesn't mean anyone else can have you" Farkle laughed.  
"You're the only one Riles you always have been" she kissed him deeply. He kissed her back and when they pulled away they were grinning  
"Just remember if you don't reply within a few days I'm flying over there" she was about to reply when the final call was shouted for her flight. Riley grabbed her necklace.  
"You me and mars Farkle"  
"Forever Pluto" she gave him one more kiss before linking hands with her granddad and boarding the flight.  
"Goodbye everyone" she said and before they knew it she was gone.


	16. Return

Farkle was bouncing up and down in his seat, everyone was excited of course but Farkle was out of control with happiness.  
"She's coming home!" he shouted. Maya looked at him annoyed  
"We know lover boy" Farkle didn't reply as his phone lit up and from the grin on his face everyone knew it was Riley. Since Riley had gone she had kept in contact with everyone but mainly Farkle. Everyone could tell when she had talked to him because he was usually ecstatic afterwards.  
"She nearly here?" Lucas shouted. That was another thing that had changed, Riley had decided to mend her friendship with him. They had come to a mutual agreement that they were better as friends than anything else. The other thing Riley had instigated was the newfound relationship between Lucas and Maya, she had said that they felt a deeper connection than herself and Lucas and had fully supported their relationship.  
"You know, it would be better if her parents could actually see!" Zay shouted as everyone clambered around the Mathews in hopes of seeing Riley first. The Matthews didn't mind as they tried to contain Auggie who was bouncing with excitement.

When her plane finally landed she was the last one off, following her uncle Eric off the plane. Auggie got to her first and gave her a toothy smile whilst pulling her into a hug. Maya and Lucas found her next hands linked and identical smiles covering their faces. Riley screamed in excitement  
"Finally, oh my god Kodak moment!" she said taking out the camera that Shawn had given her all them months ago and took a picture of her best friends. Lucas laughed and pulled Riley into a hug, Maya doing the same. When Zay got to her he messed up her hair.  
"You actually ready this time, no more repeats?" he asked. She nodded profusely and showed him squishy toy.  
"The councillor said when I get stressed out hurt this instead of myself" she explained.  
"That's the greatest advice sugar" then he kissed the top of her head. Her parents followed and showered her with hugs and kisses. Saying how much they had missed her.

Last was Farkle who had kissed her deeply whilst Lucas and Zay wolf whistled. Riley pulled back and hugged him.  
"I missed you, I had no challenge in class and people actually thought Pluto wasn't a planet" she exadurated. Farkle laughed  
"Well they know nothing" he said as they walked to the car. Riley sat next to Farkle on the way home and told everyone about her recovery.

Later that night Riley turned to her boyfriend  
"You know I've been thinking, maybe we should stay on earth instead of mars, I figured out that Earth is actually pretty great when you take the time to look around" Farkle smiled at her warmly.

"It is pretty great"


	17. Words from the Author

Hey I would like to thank you wonderful people who have reviewed and followed and read the story _broken hearts_ it is incredibly easy to lose your way with a story but due to peoples kind comments I have found the urge to finish this wonderful story. Thank you all so much and Merry Christmas.


	18. Sequel

Hey great news, i'm doing a prequel of sorts called Broken Spirit, basically what happened to Riley when she went away. Chapter One up now and MERRY CHRISTMAS


	19. Dear readers

Dear readers.

This is to address something that quite a few people have noticed, whether you have only read this story or others you may have noticed that a lot of my stories carry dark themes such as

· Suicide

· Mental illness

· Rape

· Abuse (of any kind)

· Self-harm

So I feel the need to stress this and I need your help. If you have read any of my stories and they have triggers, even if the trigger seems really remote could you please leave a review or private message, as much as the stories I write are for the reader's enjoyment sometimes they can be very triggering. Thank you.

That is not the reason I have written this note. I am here today to tell everyone that they are worth it, even if you don't believe it, I do. You are all stronger than what ails you and what ails you can be defeated, I believe that everyone has an inner battle inside them but you can survive. If you are experiencing anything, whether it be mental illness or you have been through a traumatic experience, hell even if you just feel sad or upset it is okay to get help. It is okay. I understand this is scary and it could mean that you will have to experience changes that you are not ready for but it will all be worth it. You can get there.

I want to wish everyone reading this all the happiness in the world, you deserve it. Remember you all have beautiful souls and its okay to feel sad and alone or whatever you are feeling. I want you to know that even if you feel like no one believes in you, I do.

Thank you all, I hope you all find happiness and joy in your lives.

\- Sharingstories2


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